Ever since I set up this website to remember Tabitha and to raise awareness of baby loss I have been contemplating whether to create personal blog posts about my experience or not.
I always wanted this place to be somewhere where we could keep her memory alive, help others and give back to those that have helped us. I think I saw this in the early days as raising money, creating a page of resources for people and just being present. But I feel more and more that I want to write a bit more and share. Not only to have control of my story but also to end the taboo of this subject matter and to help others that have also been through this awful thing to feel less alone.
I went through an experience recently that really shocked me. Many of the people that I have worked with for many years did not (and still don't) even know that Tabitha died. I thought they were just avoiding talking to me about it but I have just discovered that they were not even told. How weird. I am perplexed as to why my situation was not spoken about. I understand that it is my business (my data, I was told) and in some ways in this day and age it is quite nice to have some things that are actually personal to you as everyone seems to want to know everything. But the fact that I found out, within hours, about a colleagues Dad passing away (in my remote working location, miles away from the office I might add) made me realise that my situation wasn't talked about because it was private, but because no one had a clue how to handle it or what to say or do.
I get that. It's not easy. But it would have been easier for me to come back from my maternity leave not having to navigate this and to know that we were all on the same page.
So I guess what I am trying to say is that maybe I will share my story a bit more so that people are less afraid to talk about baby loss. Maybe I could educate some people (some employers!) in ways in which they could engage with employees whose baby has died.
Of course it is personal for us all, some people might wish for my situation of it not being talked about. But I think it is wrong that a company doesn't even ask what you want, what you need and how we should navigate this.
You can probably tell by my poor grammar and lack of flow that I am not a natural writer and this is why I have decided to hold off on the whole blog thing for a while too!
Before I publish any more of my story I would like to share some blogs that I have found truly inspirational. These women have been there for me at the darkest and hardest of times and got me out of so many low situations - and they don't even know it! If I could maybe do a fraction of what they have done for me for other people then I think a little blog might just be worth it.
Love to you all, Christine x
MY FAVOURITE BLOGS
Feathering The Empty Nest
Elle is the first lady I found online that had experienced baby loss after Tabitha died. Her posts on instagram brighten my day, her blog has inspired me beyond belief and her book has made me cry buckets but also made me feel less crazy as I felt like I was navigating a similar path to her after loss.
Her Mum's Voice series is an inspiration.
Hannah Pontillo
Hannah was a revelation to me. Her honesty and rawness have really resonated with me. She is a remarkable young lady who I am inspired by every day. She doesn't sugar coat anything and I love her for it!
Other blogs that I check in with every now and again
Life, Loss and Lipgloss
Hannah's blog is empowering. She makes me feel like a survivor - in a very empowering way.
orangeafmama
Amanda's Instagram account is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen! It is full of pictures of both her beautiful babies, Juniper Ann in the stars and Coral June in her arms, and I am so inspired by her words and attitude to baby loss. I admire her openess so much.