Tabitha's story began in April 2018 when we found out we were pregnant. We had waited a while for her and were beyond excited that we would finally be growing our little family. After a problem free pregnancy Tabitha was born after a quick labour on 9th January 2019, 11 days after her due date.
She was here! So much wait and non-planning over Christmas and New Year had been worth it. But things didn't seem quite right as soon as a few minutes after she was born when there was no cry and rubbing down wasn't helping her breath.
She went straight to the special care baby unit on site and I was whisked off for surgery.
It became apparent after a few hours that she needed more assistance as she couldn't get oxygen into her bloodstream and more specialist care was needed. She was to be transferred to the closest NICU. Nothing prepared me for what I saw when they wheeled her in to my room before the transfer. My little baby in a giant plastic bed-slash-box wired up to machine upon machine. Tubes in her little hands, tummy and head. All I could do was stroke her small open hand and then she was off.
The care she received at the NICU was second to none and both my husband and I were amazed by the elite skill we witnessed. We were brought in constantly for updates and when things got bad and resuscitation was needed.
Then there was nothing more that could be done for her at the unit and she needed to be transferred again for even more specialist treatment. It was taking hours to stabilise her though and it became apparent that Tabitha probably wouldn't make her next destination.
My beautiful Tabitha had fought heroically even though everything was stacked against her with courage and with grace. After a strong fight from everyone she passed away 24 hours after she was born in my arms - the first time that I got to hold her.
I was not prepared for this outcome in the slightest. When you get to 41+ weeks pregnant you expect to come home with your baby.
We made up our minds very quickly that we would ensure her name lived on and remind others that no matter how short our time on earth is we can make a difference. She touched so many people that day. At least 100 people must have been involved in trying to keep her here and she's made even more people cry since she's been gone.
Being thrown into the baby loss world was something I wasn't prepared for but I also wasn't prepared for the outpouring of love, support and kindness of people. Not just family and friends but people who didn't really know us that well.
I want this website to do a few things:
to raise money for the services that helped us and will continue to help us, and others, through baby loss.
to help others who go through this in any way I can. Whether that is reading about what we do, or even just reading this story to know that they are not alone and that there is love, support and kindness out there.
to keep Tabitha's memory alive. She certainly made a mark and will now leave a legacy behind her.